My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
