Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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