1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
