Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
