i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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