Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
