I puked a lego.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
