i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
