smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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