I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
