Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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