Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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