This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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