No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
