God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
