around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dick very happy bro
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
