if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
