got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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