Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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