Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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