All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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