So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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