I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
