porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
