Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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