I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
