i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
