And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
