Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize