i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
