Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was CRYING into my vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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