Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
