I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
