I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
