I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
