Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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