i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
