My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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