Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
