he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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