Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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