The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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