Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
