Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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