I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
