I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
