it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Couch. On fire.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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