he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize