Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
