Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
