my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
