I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
