How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
