shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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