i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
