i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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