Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
