Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
