they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I look better un-naked...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
