i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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