We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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