u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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