You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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