So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
