I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
