Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
