The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
