We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
