I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize