birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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