i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
