I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
