That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
