I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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