she woke up with a sticky ear
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize