So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
