I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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