I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
