just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
