He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
