Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
