I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
