Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
