If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
