Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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