well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
