You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
