I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
