I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
