you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
