i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
