Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
