hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
