i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize