I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
