im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
