Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
