before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
