don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You made out with two different species that night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
