if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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