i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
