Sponge bath it is.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize