i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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