I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
