I'm going to jail i love you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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