oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I want is dick and wine.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
